Man oh Man

I'm a Sucker

There I said it. I've already talked about how infomercials make me want to buy - in fact, I need an $845 Blendtec blender. And I consistently watch in amazement as magicians, hucksters, hustlers, whomever perform tricks that I'm just not smart enough to figure out. Well, Ask Men has come through with an explanation of four different magic tricks that I can now use to dazzle and amaze friends and acquaintances who are just as gullible as I am. Apparently, these are virtually fool-proof provided you actually are able to remember how to complete the trick. Here's the one that seems easiest:

This first trick requires a little preparation. Begin by writing down a four-figure number that is twice the number of the current year. For example, in 2006, the number would be 4012. Once you’ve written it down, seal the piece of paper in a plain envelope and leave it in the open. Now comes the fun part: choosing a volunteer! Pick a female you fancy and ask her to write down the following four numbers on another piece of paper:

1. The year she was born. This particular piece of information will instantly tell you whether or not she’s jailbait.
2. The year of an important event in her life. This could be anything from her first kiss to the year she graduated from high school.
3. The number of years that have passed since this special event.
4. Her current age.

Once she has recorded all four dates, ask her to add them up. Bear in mind that a true gentleman always assists a woman in distress, so be prepared to help her out with the arithmetic. Once she has arrived at her total, ask her to open the envelope and look at the slip of paper inside. Miraculously, the total will be the same as the number you previously wrote down!

The secret: Although the four numbers you requested may seem random, they always add up to the exact same total. Who knew turning tricks could be so much fun?

There's three more for you to check out. Meanwhile, I'm off to find another sucker...

Being Better

A couple of resources that have popped up over the last few days. The first comes from Andy Woolard. He's another advertising guy that I've met over the course of business and he forwarded me a link to an MSN article suggesting that paying attention to the "little things" can help each of us become a better man. Here are a few of my personal favorites:

1. Paying attention -- real attention -- to a small child. I still remember the adults who did that when I was a kid. They also happen to be my role models.

8. Gratitude. It takes 15 seconds to thank someone for their time or gift. It takes 15 years for them to forgive you when you don't.

12. Listening -- really listening -- to your grandfather when he tells you, for the ninth time, about that seafood shop back in South Philly that sold littleneck clams for a penny each. Forget the clams. He's trying for a little bit of immortality by passing along the story to you.

13. A handwritten note. I landed myself a hot redhead because I sent her a goofy Far Side card with a dashed-off question along the lines of "So, how have you been?" Ten years later, we have a house and two kids.

15. The right to remain silent. People never remember you for being quiet. They remember you for a stupid joke about a venereal disease, your boss, and a transvestite hooker.

Thanks for the heads-up on that, Andy. The second resource is a new web site run by a couple of guys who want to help us all become more knowledgeable by passing on the fruits of their experiences and failures. It's called Be Better Guys. It's fairly lean right now but it's a site I plan to keep tabs on in case something interesting pops up. Give it a look.

To Mustache or Not to Mustache?

Andrew sent along an article that recently appeared in the International Herald Tribune that suggests mustaches have become 'so almost cool'. For me, though, I wonder whether having a mustache is a sign of masculinity or is it a sign that you are so out of touch with style that you might as well grow a mullet as well?

I can't grow a mustache. Never have been able to. Can't grow a beard either. I always tend to look like Shaggy from Scooby Doo. But I guess I never thought that men with mustaches were showing any kind of masculinity. Unless you associate it with a Devil may care attitude that says you are too manly to let society dictate to you how you are to look.

Are mustaches cool? Uncool? Or so painfully uncool they are actually kind of hip? It's possible they are all three at once, depending on who is wearing one and who is taking notice. One thing is for sure: No other style of male grooming sends so many potent - and often mixed - signals.

But the mustache is also associated with masculinity and power. It has long enjoyed an un- ironic popularity among blue-collar men. "If you're a fireman, you have a mustache," said Ron Walker, 47, a fire captain in Dixon, California. "It's an unspoken deal."

The mustache is mostly associated with wrestling fans, porn stars and men over 40.

I'm curious. If you have a second, leave a comment on whether you wear facial hair or not and why or why you haven't chosen to do so.

Being a Cool Dad

As I've said before, I'm the father of a five year old. And she, like me, has her habits and routines. There are certain things she likes to do with dad and certain things she just likes to do with mom. That's cool, but sometimes I want to just surprise her with something. Usually it's something I've bought. But, while searching Boing Boing this morning, I found this post on a book that could be of help to me and other dads just like me.

I found Be the Coolest Dad on the Block just in time. Subtitled "All of the Tricks, Games, Puzzles and Jokes You Need to Impress Your Kids (and keep them entertained for years to come!)," this book is filled with stuff that has delighted my kids. The authors manage to cram an awful lot of great ideas into 186-pages. There are things to make, like bows and arrow, fire-starting kits, garbage bag kites, and instructions for making animated movies with Lego bricks. There are games to play on in cars and on plane rides and answers to questions like "Why is the sky blue?" and "Why is the sea salty?" I like the list of "misconceptions" the authors encourage you to share with your kids ("There's a parallel universe on the other side of mirrors where people exactly like us do exactly the same things.")

Skip the Banana Hammock

Sometimes, there's just really nothing more to add. This is one of those times. From We're not wired right:

A lack of.. uh, hmm... courage, has for many years been keeping men from showcasing their toolbags, it is no secret. Now, the pros at AussieBum have begun using "Wondercup" technology to create "appearance flattering underpants;" swimsuits and briefs that integrate a pouch used to "separate and stop squashing" the man-parts. AussieBum founder Sean Ashby quotes, "This design uses all of the natural assets of the person, whether they be big, small or indifferent. It basically lifts, separates and extends."

There's a Service for Everything

Growing up, dad always took care of negotiating and buying our cars. My mother, my sister and I all gave input on color, etc. but when it got down to brass tacks, my dad took it from there. And, since car buying involves getting into finances, I was never allowed to observe the negotiations. I've negotiated the price of a few cars since I've become an adult but I can't say the experiences have ever been very good. Sure, you can go in armed with all the information you can find on the internet but it always seems that there's a reason why that information doesn't apply to the car I'm trying to buy.

And, before you know it, the sales guy and I are arguing over something. I've always gotten the car I wanted but the process just tends to taint the happiness for me. Maybe I just suck at negotiating.

According to Kipplinger, though, there may be a better way for me to go about buying my next car. In their article Hate to Haggle? Here's Help, they provide overviews of services that will negotiate the price of your desired car for you.

Most people don't want to pay sticker, but they don't want to work at whittling it down, either.

You specify the make, model and style of the car you want, and CarBargains solicits bids from at least five dealers in your area. You receive a copy of each bid and the name of a contact at the dealership. The service costs $190.

Using CarsDirect.com (available in 39 states) involved almost zero hassle. The buying service negotiates with dealers in advance, so it has a list of prices waiting for you. Choosing the car and options are straightforward, and the site also divulges all current rebates and incentives.

With Drive One, the vehicle price is guaranteed to be at or below Kelley Blue Book's New Car Blue Book Value -- the average transaction price for a new model, which also is listed in our December issue new-vehicle buyer's guide. (KBB's New Car Blue Book Value doesn't include cash rebates, which go directly from the maufacturer to the consumer.) You can try to negotiate even lower prices when you get to the dealer.

Simple Rules for Mixing Shirts and Ties

I'm somewhat of a fashion dolt. And, on top of that, complicated style rules are just beyond me. I actually do try but more often than not I decide to go the conservative route and stay far away from the fashion boundaries.

This morning, however, AskMen.com posted an article outlining the 4 Rules for Mixing Shirt and Tie Patterns that I think could help me and others like me. The rule most helpful for me is the one that deals directly with a patterned tie on top of a patterned shirt.

Skillfully combining a checked shirt with a differently checked tie is a quick way to get a quirky look. The rule to follow in this case is to always wear smaller checked prints on your body and larger checks around your neck. Again, make sure you pay attention to color and choose a shirt and tie in a similar color palette. Take, for example, this hip combination of a pumpkin-plaid, Hickey Freeman shirt with a navy-striped silk tie from Luciano Barbera: The shirt has smaller, thinner checks, while the tie has a larger and brighter pattern. As the checks become larger from the shirt to the tie, the effect is more Johnny Depp than Screech. Just remember to keep your trousers in the same overall color scheme.

Simple rules make me happy. Now I just need an occasion to give these a trial run.

Equal Opportunity Rant

As you know, I've done my fair share of ranting against men who say stupid things and end up making us all look like idiots. Well, I just finished reading another article in this month's Details that did a similar thing for women.

In the article "That Was No Accident" the author takes a look at the "trend" of women in committed relationships allowing themselves to accidentally on purpose get pregnant - without consulting the boyfriend, husband, booty call first. Now, they say it's not to trap the man into a relationship but, rather, because they just feel like it's time for them to be a mother. Well, that's all well and good but shouldn't the guy have any type of vote in the matter? I guess we do and it's called a condom.

"I see and hear people talk about it, and I understand. I get it," she says, "and I don't even think it's that manipulative. It's more like, 'Hey, the timing is right for me. I got pregnant—oops! Well, it's here, let's have it.' I think that's more the way it is now than it was back in the day when you had to marry someone before you got pregnant. Marriage doesn't matter now."

"A lot of us feel like it's not even really fair that men should get to vote, considering they could be 72 and, with a little Viagra, have another baby," says Vicki Iovine, author of The Girlfriends' Guide to Pregnancy. "For us women, it's really a limited window. We know that boys who grow up to become men don't necessarily want to be men. They like to be boys. And so women say, 'You know what? He's gonna just have to snap out of it—and my pregnancy will be the thing to do it.'"

Just how many women act on that presumption is hard to say. According to FDA figures, one in a thousand of them should get pregnant over the course of a year if they're using the Pill exactly as prescribed. But it is estimated that in reality 50 times that many get pregnant. There's no way of knowing how much of that disparity can be explained away by "intentional" oversight, but that's a big gap to chalk up to carelessness.

Let me help you out a little, ladies. Turn down the crazy a notch or two and maybe you won't have to go behind some poor guys back to have a baby. Maybe you'll actually find a guy who's as committed to you and fatherhood as you are to motherhood. Or keep the crazy turned up to 11 and get ready to take in a lot of stray cats.

Okay, that was not nice. Cats all deserve a nice place to call home.

Manly Blender

Are we men suckers for infomercials or is it just me? With a little less self control, I'd be broke and my house would be filled with crap I saw on an infomercial someplace. But none, and I repeat none, of the products I've seen in the past can hold up to this from Blendtec. Give it a look. There's several videos for your enjoyment. Suffice to say that I need one of these.

Rake

Haggar Videos

Thanks to Andrew for finding these videos and sending them my direction. Haggar has, apparently, just launched a new advertising campaign on YouTube promoting their line of clothing. I've provided the links below. What I can't seem to figure out is, what's their angle?

I've never worn Haggar clothes. I know that my grandfather does. And I guess that could be part of the strategy at work. They've got to be trying to make their clothes cooler to a younger audience. But, then what's up with the Bob Vila-type guys and the do-it-yourself format? Are they actually relevant to the audience that hangs out on You Tube?

Listen, I'm 38 going on 60. I'm a bit of a crumudgeon and I always have been. So, their point-of-view on these topics speaks to me a little. But, I'm still not sure I'm going to go out and buy any Haggar clothes. So, if I won't, are there a lot of people who will?

Dog Crap
Stereo
Sponge
Boyfriend