Another article I ran across in Details likens the growing financial infidelity of men to the thrill associated with sexual infidelity. The gist is that, in both cases, you are doing something that you shouldn't and getting away with it can be a rush. Fine. Now, why are you spending a bunch of money on the "down low"? Why don't you and your wife just talk about it? C'mon, now. This used to be a common complaint among men in previous generations. I'm all for role reversal and all, but how about a little respect and honesty here?
According to the article:
Roughly a quarter of men between 25 and 55 fail to level with their partners about spending, according to a recent Harris Interactive poll. And as with the more traditional form of cheating, men will go to great lengths to keep their financial infidelities secret.
Most of the men highlighted in this article are on the young end of the age scale. And, to be fair, I have spent money on items that weren't officially cleared prior to the purchase. But most of those things were in the tens or hundreds of dollars not the thousands like some of these guys spend. but it's their attitudes that really shock me:
"Classically, you hear about women pursuing marriage and men giving up their freedom when they get married," says Jonathan Rich, the author of The Couple's Guide to Love & Money. "This is a way of keeping that independence."
"Family success makes up a woman's self-image. Men are the opposite. Instead of focusing on the group, they focus on individual success. Every man is trying to get the most for himself."
I read quotes like these and have a completely new understanding of why the divorce rate in America is so high. My advice: if you are having problems with maintaining an understanding of who you are outside of your relationship, it's probably not the right relationship to be in. Keep looking. Save yourself a little heartache. And then go buy whatever you want.
Otherwise, you might try treating your spouse as a partner in the relationship. You might even be amazed and how well that works for you.
This post has been written as part of the Carnival of Modern Man.